Being single has its lovely perks. That is undeniable. But like everything else, it has its drawbacks.
--> Major one: The loneliness.
- It has a way of creeping up on you. Watching a movie. Chilling on the beach with friends.
- It can make you do things you wouldn't do normally...like dating people you're not really attracted to.
- After seeing so many of your friends in relationships, you feel that uncomfortable "lacking" feeling.
-- It doesn't help when your friends pester you to start dating.
-- It also doesn't help when they try to set you up with random guys.
-- It really doesn't help when they tell you it's okay to be single while they look at you with a little pity.
***
I'm a cowardly one. I hate admitting it to others. I hate acknowledging it myself. I always remind myself to take steps to address my attachment issues but I always back out of taking action.
I know that failure is inevitable. I know that even if it ends in failure there can and probably will be good memories. But it's difficult for me to step out of my shell. It's even more difficult for me to be honest about my feelings.
I tend to play the victim in the little play in my head. My excuses: I can't get that guy because I'm not pretty enough. I can't talk to that guy because I'm not witty. I can't even flirt with that guy because my friend is interested in him.
I know better yet I get stuck in these endless cycles of negativity. I can't keep doing this to myself but I do it anyway. It's like I'm addicted to keeping myself in this dark, little place.
***
One day, I'm sure I'll get out.
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