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Sunday, 11 July 2010

  • The Blues

    Being single has its lovely perks. That is undeniable. But like everything else, it has its drawbacks.

    --> Major one: The loneliness.

    - It has a way of creeping up on you. Watching a movie. Chilling on the beach with friends.

    - It can make you do things you wouldn't do normally...like dating people you're not really attracted to.

    - After seeing so many of your friends in relationships, you feel that uncomfortable "lacking" feeling.

    -- It doesn't help when your friends pester you to start dating.

    -- It also doesn't help when they try to set you up with random guys.

    -- It really doesn't help when they tell you it's okay to be single while they look at you with a little pity.

    ***

    I'm a cowardly one. I hate admitting it to others. I hate acknowledging it myself. I always remind myself to take steps to address my attachment issues but I always back out of taking action. 

    I know that failure is inevitable. I know that even if it ends in failure there can and probably will be good memories. But it's difficult for me to step out of my shell. It's even more difficult for me to be honest about my feelings.

    I tend to play the victim in the little play in my head. My excuses: I can't get that guy because I'm not pretty enough. I can't talk to that guy because I'm not witty. I can't even flirt with that guy because my friend is interested in him.

    I know better yet I get stuck in these endless cycles of negativity. I can't keep doing this to myself but I do it anyway. It's like I'm addicted to keeping myself in this dark, little place.

    ***

    One day, I'm sure I'll get out.

Tuesday, 08 December 2009

Friday, 20 February 2009

  • I am...

    ...a horrible friend.

    I have a best friend.

    We are pretty different from each other.
    She's passionate and outspoken.
    I am insecure and shy.

    We've known each other since 8th grade.
    And our friendship is full of ups and downs.
    It's full of quiet stages.
    Like when we lose touch and not talk.
    It's full of loud stages.
    Like when we get annoyed with each other.

    Some of the time I think...
    "best friends" is just a label we agreed upon.
    That's what I think sometimes.

    Nonetheless, I have a best friend.

    An incompetent best friend...I am.

    -------------------------------------------------------

    My friend revealed her "secret" blog to me. Calling it a secret blog might be incorrect. However, I can verify that not everyone knows about its existence. She mentioned its existence last Sunday while on our way home from the SAP Open finals. At the time, it seemed as if she was putting herself out there. Unfortunately, I changed the subject because I didn't feel like discussing our lack luster friendship. She must have been a little disappointed. Anyway, the urge to respond to her invitation kept coming up again and again throughout the week. I finally sent her a text asking for her blog.

    I don't know if I'll tell her about this blog. Maybe one day I will.

Thursday, 06 November 2008

  • I'm Sorry My Lesbian Friend

    It appears religion still holds true in California. I wish I could somehow knock some sense into those people. Yes, those people. I am separating myself from them in this situation because they have the audacity to say who cannot get married. It's doubly upsetting after finding out about many minorities voting in favor of prop 8. Majority of the Hispanic and Black communities voted for this unreasonable proposition. How does gay marriage affect you besides challenging "traditional" concepts of partnership? Why must you conform to the bandwagon of the church? Can you not think for yourselves?

    Let's put it into a different context. (warning: stupid argument to highlight how stupid I find the reasons to support prop 8 are.) There's a stereotypical view of Blacks and Latinos as being baby factories, and those babies fuel the less desirable aspects of society (i.e. gangs, drug dealers, thieves, etc.). I say let Californians pass a law prohibiting the amount of babies Latinos and Blacks produce as a way to control crime. I believe there are more evidence to support controlling the amount of babies they are allowed to make in comparison to same-sex people getting married.

    Of course, this is an unreasonable conclusion. It doesn't make sense to discriminate between groups of people based on preconceived notions of morality. Are Latinos and Blacks inherently immoral? Hell, no. Are gays and lesbians inherently immoral? Hell, no. Well, it depends on how you define immoral. Obviously, my morals do not match the church. I guess I'll be going to hell along with all my lesbian and gay friends. I hope some day you realize sexual orientation has nothing to do with the the concept of "evil" or "wrong". --Well, if the person/people you are oriented towards are children, animals, etc.; then that's wrong. They most likely do not want that sort of attention so there is no excuse for you to manipulate or force yourself onto the innocent.

    How does the upholding of "traditional marriage" help society? Does same-sex marriage hurt society?

    I can tell you right now that heterosexual marriage is not all that it's cracked up to be. A lot of them end before death. It ends in the other "d". Ding, ding, ding! DIVORCE

    Besides banning same-sex marriage isn't going to make gay people straight.

    You just have to love how minorities think oppressing other minorities is okay.

    You just have to give it up to the church for successfully manipulating their followers into doing things without much thought. It's like a bunch of children playing follow the leader. Well, ladies and gentlemen, Barney (the almighty and mythical purple dinosaur) is so proud of your efforts! Money that could have been spent on more worthy causes was wasted on advertising for prop 8.

    And I realize my argument is laughable and largely incoherent, but this is just me venting. I really hope this proposition gets overturned in court (not likely) or there's another vote (maybe next time more people will be willing to vote, there were a lot of my friends who did not vote and they would have voted against prop 8).

Wednesday, 21 May 2008

  • A Natural & Annoying Alarm Clock

    Actually, I wouldn't consider it entirely natural. It's at completely random times too. I noticed a weird pecking sound near the corner of my room and I assumed the wind was knocking against something outside to make such a sound. Then I realized there's nothing against my back door nor near any of the outside walls. My imagination went wild until I went to look at what was causing the disturbance. What I saw produced a good-natured chuckle since I considered it a cute creature with an obviously odd nature. I don't know what kind of bird it is, it's just small and grey-ish. Well, this occurrence is random however, it is still going on after a week and a half. I normally hear its pecking throughout the day (when I'm awake) but the little bird is starting to wake me up in the morning. I'm already having trouble falling asleep, why must it torture me so early in the morning? I am not an early bird...I could care less about the worm. Damn, this narcissistic bird with a sadistic streak! It's starting to bother my parents. My mom talked about it doing the exact same thing outside her window. My next step is to ask my sisters if they've been bothered too. I don't think they've noticed because they're hardly home but no harm in trying.

    It's strange.

    At first it was cute... now it's grating on my nerves. I'll let you live little birdie but I shall be telepathically sending out murderous thoughts every time you wake me up in the morning.

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kezrel

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    • Name: kezrel
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    • Member Since: 7/28/2007

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